welcome to ask brasandranties, a new feature to the blogette which we hope brings aid, insight and solution to your life’s problems, instead of just listening to ours all the time. for what better way is there for us to utilize the lessons learnt from our absurd life than by attempting to fix your shit for you?
so whatever your struggle, odds are we’ve been there, done that and traipsed home the next morning wearing the tshirt. because we don’t just learn things – we learn them the hard way. give us a shot.
dear bras and ranties. currently dealing with a common problem of the ages i suppose: the all-but evisceration of my bestest friend after the acquisition of her new boyfriend. i’m trying not to be bitter but it’s pretty fucking lame non? love, best friends for (n)ever.
dear girl, how true your trouble rings. we ourself currently have a friend or two guilty of this very same friendship misstep. you know who you are. and yet, before we rantie, bras and ranties also must admit that we’ve also been charged as the accused – albeit at a much earlier (read immature) stage of the game. you see, while the bestfriend/boyfriend swap out may be a rather common mistake committed amongst girlfriends, it usually takes place earlier in life. or at least, when the dumbass doesn’t know any better.
truth is, it takes experience and a healthy sense of self to want to get the fuck away from your boyfriend every once in a while. time apart is key for all involved parties, and for the vitality of the relationship . and yet the number of women around us – women we’d consider friends – that seem centrifugally charged to the state and schedules of their boyfriends would be comical if it weren’t so pathetic. * note, this advice is only relevant if you have attempted to maturely discuss prior *
as is the case with any other behaviour we deem nonsensical, we must actively attempt to not care (read yell, scream and tear our hair out) as we watch otherwise intelligent women act the fool. our only suggestion is that you try your mightiest to do similar: ignore the bitch back.and when her (quite obviously dysfunctional) relationship inevitably ends and she comes round for ben & jerrys and a shoulder to cry on? ignore the bitch then too. at least for a day while you eat the half baked – you know, just so she learns her lesson. well? how’d we do…and who’s next?
5 thoughts on “ask brasandranties”
Or you could simply call her out on it and have a mature discussion about it? I'm sure she's not dumb and knows what she's doing(done) in terms of being MIA. By ignoring her and her actions, you're enabling her behaviour further and sending a silent approval of her current actions. Remember it's not what you say to people, it's how you say it.
Of course, if speak to her about it and nothing changes, then yes, ignore for now.
b&r, this new feature scares this shit out of me. are you qualified to be handing out such advice?
in regards to your first "patient" clearly the more mature thing to do would be to confront the friend, not ignore, and SUPPORT them no matter what. isn't that what friends are for??
in my experience the tit for tat routine is not kosher, not to mention psychologically unhealthy.
spread love, not war.
…and ask true professionals for advice!
of course we're not qualified, darling. bras and ranties is dishing advice while sheathed in a chinese silk bathrobe. may we remind you, oprah isn't either. and yet.
you're right on calling us out though; we'd only just assumed that best friend for (n)ever had already attempted the mature route and tried to talk to her bestie about the issue at hand. in retrospect, we recall what it is they say about assumption. of course they should talk it out first. sorry for projecting.
however we find it imperative to point out that supporting your friends 'no matter what' isn't what friends are for at all. not when they're acting blind and treating you like shit, that is. that's called enabling and being walked all over, respectively. and if it's happening to you, we say get the hell away from it.
ps. we're pretty sure your shrink would tell you similar, though perhaps with slightly fewer profanities and a little more intellectual superiority. just saved you $200 – go vintaging! mwah.
lol-oh calm down 2nd anonymous. understand that B&R means well and has good intentions. doesn't mean that the reader will actually take her advice. it's up to her discretion whom she decides to listen to anyone, if at all. Duhh.
yes, yes maybe you are right in the "spread love, not war" aspect. however, lets not get our knickers in a knot now shall we and start one? 🙂
i'm sure if any reader really feels psychologically unfit (or has been deemed to be psychologically unfit by the courts) they will seek true professional help.
-1st anonymous reader/commenter
Any way to have an anonymous posting forum? would love to write in but not from email!
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