the first few happen as your back is turned, attention focused inward, only awarded to the immediate vicinity. work and play. parties people men meaning. there’s hardly any room in the every day for the idea of it: commitment. lives tied together in a meaty legal knot. white wedding.
when those first few friends take the plunge it’s rather simple to dismiss: outliers, odd ones, the obvious mistakes. a forced processing of forever. the concept remains an alien notion, firmly rooted in the foreign terrain of adulthood. a distant desire only your future oat-sewed self could fathom. one day.
then the nuptial phenomenon begins to spread its reach, tending towards tandem after the first one falls. newly-acquired husbands houses and honeymoons (don’t even get us started on the birthing process). and yet our closest counterparts remain without attachment, instead finding themselves up against that final round. the precursor to said domino effect. the storms before the storm. breakin up.
it isn’t easy – never is: no matter, no circumstance – but there’s enormous relief in letting go of what’s wrong. in stopping a mistake before it becomes your mistake. reclaiming hold of the future. these are our last heartbreaks before our biggest bets. a widespread inclination to look close at our companions, envision that (terrifying) state of forever and determine whether this is the face we want beside us. whether this person is enough.
none of us know what’s waiting in store. where we’ll be or how we’ll feel. but keep eyes open, ears too (soul always). question whether your partner actually makes you happy. whether you like who you are in their presence. whether you’re getting all that you give. don’t spend a life lonely for fear of loneliness now; days of would-be freedom wasted, spent convincing compatibility as they slip from your fingers. just forget the fucker, and go forth knowing you’re one step closer to peace.
AOK says:
So very true and so very well said.
Anonymous says:
Tottes agree! You can't morph something that will never be.
xobolaji says:
sigh, i do hope that u are compiling this stuff into a book. girls could only hope. women can only dream.
amazing how u so easily articulate both an intellectual and visceral emotion. and u kind of have to read it that way. i basically "gasped" my way through the first few paragraphs, and then i read it again. so right ON.
may i offer up a title for your book of essays? "inside her head." by brasandranties.
i think you should get yourself an agent, like pronto. and "we" need you to write a column.
thanks and cheers!
xobolaji
Anonymous says:
Some people aren't capable of loving anyone more than themselves, and therefore will never be able to provide the love that is required for one or all unfortunately. But at the same time I have questioned myself that the love I wanted was too much and what they were providing was what love is? Obviously I didn't think so in the end…
Anonymous says:
Very cerebral, but where's the love B&R?
Anonymous says:
Please, please use proper punctuation. "Newly-acquired husbands houses and honeymoons" needs a comma or two. Your writing is beautiful, and I know I'm being pedantic, but it is incomplete without proper grammar. 🙂
Anonymous says:
fuck. punctuation.
support the writer's write.