what is it about the throes of love (the fervor of a soulful union, the amorous vortex, the interminable pull) that makes this romantic so timid of it? cautious of holding it close. declaring it our own. as if at any moment we could drop to our knees clutching air, sobs turning ashes smutty. as if to believe it would be gone.
we’re not normally so cautious, carefree with almost all but love. but our heart’s been torn right here before (ravaged, more like). so now we dance along fault lines, tiny tings of fear that the revelry, celebrations, joyous days in the sun might disrupt. flap the butterfly effect.
we’re a generation of dreamers, ingrained somewhere deep to quietly ache for the fairy tale. terrified of it when it becomes our own to pen. why does the practical mind take us to a place where we’re left sitting skeptic of what many of us spent wistful nights whispering over? imagining. wondering what he was doing at that exact moment in time.
blame the tiger tales of infidelity, loveless legalities, the rate of dissolution, but we can’t help but be left a bit of a skeptic. we know it’s possible. we know it happens. we’ve each felt it, had it as our own for a time. but true love that lasts forever? that shit is exceptionally rare (and will not happen to a majority of people reading this blogette). it’s not your destiny. it’s not your right. not a promise from the universe, gods of fate, aphrodite. it’s just a hope. just a dream.
so is the notion archaic? is forever’s modernity left to arrangements understandings secrets blind eyes? or is true love truly possible? can it last the battle (no doubt battered, scarred, changed in form) but nonetheless all the better for it? can real love really last?
(thanks to nair and trojan for the sneak peek of sex and the city 2 last night. it obviously inspired. if you want a great (read: scathing) review even better than we’d have done it, check this out)
Anonymous says:
Do you think it can? Do you believe in true love forever B&R?
AOK says:
I used to believe… now, not so much
Anonymous says:
The power of love is a curious thing
make a one man weep, make another man sing
Change a hawk to a little white dove
more than a feeling…. that's the power of love
Thank you Huey Lewis
B&R your view of love resides in your brain, as though it is a decision, and not in your heart. It is not a homogeneous feeling within any one person, nor across the masses, nor time. The fear you speak of is marriage, commitment, which are decisions, but not love. Love happens, but it takes work to preserve it and/ or grow it as two people in love are not frozen in time. We all change, and its a truth and a necessity.
A true love that can last forever cannot be known in advance. You need to embrace it and submerge yourself inside it to know for sure. It can't be a forgone conclusion but you also cannot assume that it does not or cannot exist. It can be scary and tough to open yourself up to because there is the risk that it can (temporarily) break your soul. You need to work at it and not let it become too comfortable that laziness sets in. You can love being in love. But fairy tales have no place in reality. And love cannot be measured.
Today we all have more options than ever. This is not our grandparents world of love and relationships, when relationships were primarily dictated by the community – confined by geography. How many marriages today has Facebook ended?
Your biggest or most intense love may already be behind you, you may find love and marry only to have it come calling in another form in the future. You can love, or have loved, more than once and more than one person. And that's okay. Relationships are defined by at least two distinct and unique people with different experiences and lives lived. Not only can we not know 'what' someone is thinking/ feeling, but maybe more importantly 'how' someone else thinks or feels! So what should we do, throw our arms up in the air and give up on love? Suppress it? No, live life, every beautiful moment and emotion of it.
What needs to be redefined is marriage. The one we have now is too archaic for so many reasons.
You referenced infidelity, and that has probably ended more marriages and messed up too many people and kids along the way. We are not the property of one another. So why then can we not conclude that we are meant to enjoy sex for what it is, sex. Not just exclusive sex, not monogamy sex with love being the sole criteria that defines sex. Just, sex. Like all living things on earth.
Sex can be about love, passion, romance, sport, self esteem, it can be fantastic, good, or even bad. It can be all of those things alone or in combination – and it can be so much more. But it can just be sex. You can have the best sex of your life with someone you just met (a one night stand, who you don't and won't ever love) and you can have bad sex with someone you do love. So why do we associate sex exclusively with love and marriage? We know this is not true from our actions as young adults with the invention of birth control.
I can go have a thrill of a lifetime by sky diving or going to beautiful and exotic places on earth – living life to the fullest. But if I'm married, I have to have sex for the next 40 years with the same person until I die. Talk about pressure. Marriage has got to change and benefit the roles of mother and father, not husband and wife. A contract between two adults in their roles to raise kids. And fuck the sex.
Anonymous says:
there's no such thing as forever. death is what stops it from happening.