can someone please ‘splain why there are an inordinate amount of married men (friends!) lately who have been behaving like snakes and hitting on me? it just happened again tonight and i’m positively vomitous.
first of all, dude: fuck. you. for trying to cheat on your lady. think you can do better? try it, i dare you.

second: is this how you’re looking for it – really? hitting up old girlfriends out of nowhere, or hitting on platonic fracquaintances at the bar? scoff! you can’t even argue that you were wrapped up in an all-consuming, sordid love affair (not that this is an excuse…i swear) it’s simply about fucking some chick that’s not your wife.

third: in case you’re not yet aware, the only reason you’re attempting to land some autre-ass is because you feel like shit about yourself. you thought you were the man and instead you woke up one day fatter, balder, droopier and greyer than ever before, complete with a pair of snot-rats and a wife who promises not to wear her pjs two nights a week. where’d your life go, you ask yourself? down the shitter with your dignity, mofo.
fourth (and most importantly): why in god’s good name do you think a girl like me would even go there? have you seen me? had a conversation with me? are you retarded?

i wish i had more of a theory on this, but frankly i’m too vexed. the best i can come up with is what we’ve known all along – too often, couples who shouldn’t marry get married. and men are left desperate to feel alive. and yet all they feel is bored.

well boo fucking hoo. you sealed the deal, man. you may not have always been scum,..in fact, you may be a great dude. but all you are right now is a dickhead.


12 thoughts on “rantie.”

  1. Anonymous says:

    Word to that girl! I friggin hate that! Not only do they look like the biggest snake/rat on earth, but a total despo loser who needs constant ego stroking! (Which by the way is a complete turn off)

    The only theory as to why I believe these "friends" think they can get away with it, is because they can use the excuse, "I was just joking, you know me! *Pat on the shoulder* Hahaha. In fact, Sarah and I have been thinking of having kids lately!" and laugh/brush it off when the wife enters the scene. And try and make you think you're crazy, and that there's nothing wrong with a little joke here and there, and even if you do call them out on it, remember they're "kidding" they're always "kidding", and they'll tell their wife that to. And they'll stick to their story SO much, that you/and the wifey would have to look like a complete fool in order to disagree with him, that some light "joking" here and there isn't a crime.

    Remember, some will use the most simplest/possibly legit excuse in the book and drive with it, to the point where that you'd have to be crazy to not believe him, and thats exactly what some want you to think.

    But the motive all in all is that they want to see whether they can get into the cookie jar without Mommy dearest finding out, and then they remember the adrenaline, and they wanna do it again! Sorry for the TMI, but thats my theory…

  2. Anonymous says:

    You hit the nail directly on the head with this one!

  3. Anonymous says:

    To add, its also because sometimes, they're not always getting what they need/want at home…

  4. iamlaura says:

    Not to defend the specific guy(s) you're posting about, but let me play the devil's advocate (sort of) on this oh-so touchy matter.

    I think that for most (not all) men, and for many women, monogamy is not something they do naturally. It's something they choose to do when they get married, but it's an effort and something many guys are not good at. I'm not saying that they can't help it, or that it's ok, but if you're looking for a reason it might not be that they're so desperate/lame/need ego stroking. People choose to be with one another at the exclusion of all others because it lets us have many wonderful things in life (stability, family, comfort, love) but when it comes to pure sexual attraction, we're all just animals (women too).

    That's my controversial 2 cents.

  5. admin says:

    iamlaura i completely agree. monogamy is an unnatural state for most people, if not all. after all – like you said – we're just animals.

    i'm of the school of thought that if you know you won't keep your weenie in your pants, don't bite the bullet and commit a lifetime to your girl, leaving her thinking she's found her one.

    i know most men cheat. i know many (most?) women cheat too. i know that attractions to other people throughout a lifetime are inevitable. i know that mistakes happen. and i believe some relationships can overcome.

    what i don't understand is when a man's dirty devilry because such a compulsion that he'll hit on anything that had nice tiddies (and moves). this dude had absolutely no connection to me (or real desire for me) beyond wanting to bang someone before he headed home for the evening.

    that's not human nature – that's just nasty.

  6. iamlaura says:

    Haha I have no doubt that this particular specimen was a douche-y mess! Dudes kill me sometimes. Like seriously, who are the women out there who responds to groping/hooting/drooling to make guys think that this sort of thing works? I know I'm getting off topic, but it's a pet peeve.

    And yes, I totally agree with you. If you can't do it, don't say 'I do.'

  7. Anonymous says:

    Could. Not. Agree. More.
    As someone who has recently been told, "I really like you, I really enjoy hanging out with you, and I love having sex with you, but I like being single, so if you're up for keeping this arrangement going, no strings attached…", I am constantly repulsed by the male species (ok, not all… there are some good guys out there) sense of entitlement to having their cake and eating it too!

    In other words, this dude wanted to keep up our loosely termed relationship behaviour (afterall, we hadn't been hanging out all that long…) but then not get in trouble if he decides he wants to bang someone else on a whim. I'm just supposed to be ok with it because he warned me. Essentially he was asking permission to treat me like shit!

    I get that no-strings works for some people – but I'm of the mind that it's always risky business. Unless you're able to keep all emotions out of it and keep it purely about sex, someone will always become more attached and that someone ends up hurt. And this is where these guys are being greedy. They (well, the one I'm talking about, and a few others like him) want more than just sex, but aren't willing to make the commitment that's required to secure that. It's rubbish!

  8. Anonymous says:

    I should add… if it's just about sex, make it just about sex. Don't plan dates, don't call just to say hi, and for the love of god, no forehead kisses and hand-holding!

  9. Anonymous says:

    Try getting to that point without having to go through the motions of dates, calling to say hi. Hand holding is the first step towards infidelity, followed almost immediately by kissing and so forth.

    Guys and platonic girlfriends? Two words – just wait.

  10. iamlaura says:

    Girls are so fickle, it's almost comedic. Don't harrass us or come on too strong, but pursue us and make us feel deriable; don't be too nice or hold hands, but make us feel warm and cared for, don't lie, but be clear with your intentions.

    I'm so glad I'm not a dude.

    I know girls are always complaining that men suck and blah blah, but at least they're easy to figure out.

  11. Anonymous says:

    i am a dude … and that is fucking hilarious … great rant!!

    everything you said is true … i've seen all too many friends settle into deadbeat, unfulfilling relationsships because it's comfortable and easiest … only to realize after that they should have actually chilled out for a minute to discover their individuality, rather then solely identifying themselves in couple form!

  12. Anonymous says:

    Thank you! LOL, I was just waiting for a guy to comment on this. Case settled.

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