skinny bitch.

right after christmas, feeling as though i was about to veer into dangerous territory, i hired a new trainer named glen (from omfg fitness – amazing, non?) to start kicking my ass. we targetted specifics: lose the belly. round out the ass. make everything else as skinny as possible.

am i there yet? no. which likely has something to do with the fact that my evening activities often necessitate the munchies. but am i close? i look f*cking good bitch.

so i asked glen to provide some tips and tricks on a (somewhat) regular basis, to help you look and feel your best. though you should probably get to the gym and do burpees. warning some language and content may offend.

first off thank you jen for this opportunity to tell people what to do, one of my fav hobbies other than shouting and origami. so on to bizznazz:

my philosophy is simple: “exercise or get fat!” the choice is yours. but i’m not here to give workout tips. skinny bitch is dedicated to simple tips to help you shed your gut as fast as poss!

this one is so simple i love it and as a super-amazing part time actor i use it whenever Iihave to shed lbs; DON’T EAT AFTER 7PM. simple. no diet to follow, no pills to take, just screw up your will power and do it!

if your system has no food to digest, something amazing happens! your body releases HGH (human growth hormone) and it eats fat like pac-man eats those lil prozacs and chicken shit blue ghosts! yes that’s right you lose weight in your freaking sleep, does that sound like it’s worth the self-discipline that it is gonna take?

now, no one can do this 7 days a week, i mean who can pass up drunken saturday night pizza? but even if you can manage it one night a week your ass will thank you! peace out. private ass kicking upon request.

2 thoughts on “skinny bitch.”

  1. drez says:

    not eating after 7pm can’t be healthy… especially if you are following your “exercise or get fat!” choice. The body needs fuel to rebuild, amend your “not eating” to “not eating carbs” after 7pm. Your body needs the protein and thats how you release HGHs and burn fat while you sleep… worked for me!

  2. iamlaura says:

    i get the theory behind this one, but i’m not sure if it’s usable advice. like, if i workout after work (which i’m sure is advisable under this plan), i won’t get home til 8 or 9pm. so what to do? not eat? no way.

    i think his plan assumes you’re either a student or that you work from home.

    not practical, for most at least.

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