we think your porsche makes your penis look small

we’ve had rich ones. we’ve had po ones. who’s kidding whom, we’ve had a few in between too. our mother taught us early and she taught us well: marry for money, regret it for life. as such we’ve always regarded a man with money as simply a bit more, well, fun. but it’s never why we’re in it. it’s never the reason. no matter how much, it’s not enough to be enough. not enough to ignore the fact that we don’t actually like you.

turns out we’re in the minority (if only). in fact the dating tactic du jour seems to be declarative gold digging. at least girls don’t have to fake it anymore. minimally enthusiastic googling has yielded an assortment of dating sites now aimed at pairing the digger with her daddy; an exchange of assets, literal to figurative. the star has a great piece here.
a part of us balks, horrified at the notion. the prude in us no doubt, tis the oldest profession after all. and we do love us some millionaire matchmaker. while we couldn’t come to terms with banging a busted daddy warbucks, no matter how big his bucks, to each her own we suppose. the truth: a lot of people tread the line, and it’s a line quite blurry to begin with. declaring what you want. taking care of a partner with one’s respective endowments. consenting adults. we get it.
but forgive us, the romantic in us. we’re quite well versed in the pains in love. it’s hard to find once you do it’s fast it’s explosive and it usually hurts. it usually haunts. but by fuck love is beautiful. even the heartbreak in it is beautiful. point is, each one of us deserves it, the real shit. for some strange, cursed reason it’s been ingrained within us. try as the diggers might to convince us, themselves otherwise, let brasandranties pontificate: love really is all there is.

6 thoughts on “we think your porsche makes your penis look small”

  1. Emma says:

    The digging starts younger and younger these days. Like high school even. But the women I know who are diggers are generally unhappy – daddy warbucks has all the power, and he knows it. Whatever he says goes. Pas pour moi.

  2. Anonymous says:

    Quite frankly, gold diggers are just lazy. If they spent as much time on themselves and their career as they do trying to find a wealthy man, they'd be able to support themselves and their habits.

    And personally, I believe the men who enjoy being with a gold digger do it for control reasons. And when they divorce you, they'll leave you high and dry-unless you can afford a good lawyer (with their money!). lol.

  3. Anonymous says:

    I'm not saying I disagree….however, if Shrek taught us anything its 'don't judge a book by its cover.'
    Maybe the guy driving the porsche does have a small pecker. In high school he was self conscious, kept to himself, hit the books, worked hard, and became successful with the motivation that one day he too would get his princess charming?
    Maybe the guy with the big schlong was distracted in high school, focused his efforts on taming the beast, and is a now a mediocre salesman with 3 kids and cheats on his wife and drives a Jeep YJ (that was cool in high school, no?)
    Maybe Cinderella (gold digger?) left her glass slipper in the men's room at the ball after giving the prince the best BJ of his life…because she would rather suck a royal dick than just royally suck?
    Maybe its somewhere in between, and some people would rather live for their future children and give them everything that is imaginable – (downside: 50/50 chance of a son with a genetically small wang).
    Nobody has problems with people attracted to good looking people? Just sayin…

  4. vdk says:

    You should be with someone that you would love regardless of where they were in life…

    Then, you know it's genuine.

    Everything else is a bonus.

  5. Anonymous says:

    My mother met my father just as he was starting a fledgling business and stuck with him through all the tough times.

    35 yrs later, the company has grown to +70 employees and they're now laughing all the way to the bank, hand in hand.

  6. Anonymous says:

    your mother's advice, is it true? did she marry for money and regret it, or is she speaking in general?

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